“The Sibling Script”

“One man in a thousand, Solomon says, will stick more close than a brother.” (Rudyard Kipling)

May 13, 2023

Welcome to a new series on the Massé Musings Substack platform: EXTRAORDINARY LIVES. Some of these individuals are famous, but most are not. Their lives are extraordinary because of the challenges they have faced, the impact they have had, and the special qualities they possess. In this installment I return to the time vault for profiles of notable siblings with connections to Cleveland, Ohio, where I was a freelancer before pursuing a career in academia. Hope you enjoy the read.

“The Sibling Script”

“One man in a thousand, Solomon says, will stick more close than a brother.” (Rudyard Kipling)

“For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather.” (Christina Rossetti)

Sibling relations are a cornerstone of identity, personality development and “scripted” adult behavior. Your brothers and sisters were your earliest playmates, first rivals and role models. They helped you learn how to compete, to negotiate, to share and to trust. If you were fortunate, your sibling relationships helped you to mature, adjust to life’s passages, and succeed in your personal and professional lives. However, for every positive story of functional, productive relations among children, there are plenty of dysfunctional family narratives where bonds were broken and never repaired.

Contrary to conventional wisdom that “only” children are lonely and at a socio-psychological disadvantage, studies claim that those who were raised without siblings may be more secure and have greater success than individuals who had to collaborate as children. Which raises the question: Is sibling rivalry a positive or negative factor in one’s development? According to Dr. Thurston L. Cosner, a longtime Northeast Ohio clinical psychologist and retired psychology professor, such competition among children is a “healthy, natural phenomenon as long as it is expressed properly” and, ideally, initiated by the siblings themselves and not imposed by the parents. Such rivalry in youth may serve as a positive forum for managing conflict in later life. But, on the flipside, it can also lead to resentment or avoidance of competition as adults.

Dr. Cosner said families with children are “personality factories,” where sibling roles are often assigned and associated behavior dictated from an early age. For example, a first-born child typically receives the “message” from parents via cues and comments, if not outright direction, that you are supposed to be a successful leader. With that initial slot “taken” by the eldest sibling, a second-born child may try to balance divergent family interests, assuming the role of peacemaker. When a third child arrives on the scene, he or she may develop a more independent personality, which could express itself in creative and/or rebellious pursuits. In large families, there is likely to be an overlap in developmental stages and adoption of personality types with latter-born siblings.

Certainly, there are exceptions to any “rules” of sibling scripted behavior, such as when a death in the family or severe crisis alters assigned roles. Perhaps the best example of this scenario would be in the lives of the Kennedy brothers, where first-born Joe was slated to be the political leader of the family. Upon his death in World War II, the torch was passed to second son, Jack, who became president in 1960. After his assassination in 1963, third son, Bobby, ran for the nation’s highest office until his murder in 1968. Several years later, fourth son, Teddy, competed in presidential campaigns and was a long-serving U.S. Senator.

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In late 20^th century Cleveland politics, the Stokes brothers were a memorable pair of siblings. Carl Stokes became the first African-American mayor of a major U.S. city in 1967. A year later, older brother Louis, also an attorney, was elected as the first black congressman from Ohio. He would subsequently serve 30 distinguished years in the U.S. House of Representatives. After two terms as Cleveland’s mayor, Carl became the first black anchorman in New York City with WNBC-TV. He was later named a U.S. Ambassador by President Bill Clinton, received several civic awards and honorary degrees, and wrote a bestselling memoir on his life as a civil rights leader. Commenting on his brother’s plaudits, Louis said “there was no room for jealousy” in their close relationship.

The two “latchkey kids” were raised during the Depression by a hardworking single mother, who “gave us the motivation to succeed and support each other,” said Carl, citing his big brother as a lifelong role model. An anecdote from the Stokes’ hardscrabble youth perhaps best illustrates their brotherhood bonds and sibling script. During the late 1930s, the boys would journey each week to open air markets and surplus stores, hoping to collect donations of food and other necessities. While Louis would dutifully pull the rickety red wagon, his scrappy kid brother, Carl (two years younger), would ride “shotgun,” brandishing a baseball bat while standing in the wagon to fend off any interlopers trying to swipe their donated supplies. When I interviewed both men in their sixties, this adolescent memory evoked deep laughter, revealing an intimate side to these two prominent politicos.

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Another sibling story with a lesser known but surprising Cleveland connection is the relationship of Angela Davis and her younger brother Ben. She is a legendary human rights activist, author and educator. He became a successful Ohio-based business executive after an accomplished athletic career as a pro football player with the Cleveland Browns and Detroit Lions.

Angela and Ben (whom she lovingly referred to as “Benny”) were raised with their siblings, Reggie and Fania, in Birmingham, Alabama, during the segregated 1950s and ’60s. Their neighborhood was called “Dynamite Hill,” a reference to the violence that rocked their African-American community. The most notorious incident was the bombing of the 16^th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham on September 15, 1963, by white supremacists, killing four African-American girls. Despite the challenges they faced, the Davis children were instilled with a respect for education, the arts and religion. They were also taught to be responsible for each other’s welfare.

Their father, Benjamin (“Frank”), a one-time history teacher, supported the family by operating a service station, while his wife, Sallye, taught at a local elementary school. Both parents were members of the NAACP and openly participated in civil rights issues.

“Thanks to our mother and father, we didn’t feel inferior, even in the face of racism,” Angela recalled, while acknowledging that some social problems can “transcend the ability of families to cope.”

During the early 1960s, the Davis family made the difficult decision to relocate their teenage children. As part of a placement program operated by the American Society of Friends Committee (a national Quaker organization that placed black students from the South in integrated Northern locales), Angela finished high school in New York City, and Ben attended Fairlawn H.S. in New Jersey. He would later graduate from Defiance College before being drafted in the NFL in 1967. Angela graduated from Brandeis University and continued her studies at the Sorbonne in Paris and the University of Frankfurt. She would earn a master’s degree from the University of California, San Diego and a doctorate in philosophy from Humboldt University in Berlin. Her academic teaching career would include posts at UCLA, the San Francisco Art Institute, San Francisco State University, University of California, Santa Cruz, as well as Rutgers and Syracuse Universities.

But Angela Davis is best known for her outspoken views in the 1960s and ’70s as a communist, black militant and anti-war protester. She is also famous for being a fugitive, following the August 7, 1970, shootout at the Marin County (California) Courthouse, where the judge, two prisoners and the teenage brother of George Jackson, one of the Soledad Brothers on trial, were killed. The tragedy thrust Angela Davis onto the FBI’s “Ten Most Wanted List” for her purchase of firearms used in the fatal incident. After being captured, Davis spent almost two years in jail before being acquitted by an all-white jury in June 1972.

During her sister’s plight, NFL player Ben Davis steadfastly resisted pressure to denounce his sister. His primary concern was Angela’s safety. “Her life was at stake,” Ben said softly, remembering those tenuous times.

“I especially admired the position Benny took during that era,” Angela said, citing her family’s efforts to organize rallies, make speeches, hold vigils and stand by her. “My brother put himself on the line for me.”

The Davis siblings both spoke of the pride they felt in each other’s achievements and enduring close family ties. While Angela admitted her brother helped her learn to appreciate sports and fitness, Ben applauded his sister’s legacy of human rights advocacy. He concluded: “Our lives have shown how we both attacked our different objectives with the same amount of determination.”

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